Trek Characters Answer the Age-Old Question:
Why did the chicken cross the road?


Gene Roddenberry:  To boldy go where no chicken had gone before.

Kirk:  You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you CHICKEN killed my...son!

Spock:  Fascinating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.

Bones:  Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

Scotty:  Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Sulu:  To get back to San Franciso; it was born there.

Uhura:  Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Chekov:  It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the
billionth time..did I scream this time?

Nurse Chapel:  Oh, Spock, I fixed you your favorite Vulcan plomeek and chicken soup!

V'Ger:  To join with the Creator.

Sarek:  Sometimes my logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Charlie X:  Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Khan:  With my last breath I spit at the chicken...

Harry Mudd:  Chicken?  I don't remember any chicken.  No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.


Picard:  Dammit, that's not for us to answer!  It's his fundamental right as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which he travels towards his goals!

Riker:  I don't know why, but I do know how: with pleasure, sir.

Data:  The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.

Troi:  It was running...running away, escaping...oh, Captain, it was fleeing from such *pain*!

Geordi:  Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.

Wesley:  I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

Dr. Crusher:  Maybe since he couldn't make the other side to get to him, *he* had to get to the other side....

Tasha:  That depends...was it fully functional?

Q:  Wouldn't you like to know?  Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

Barclay:  Uh, chicken?!!  Where?!!!  C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with small feathered things?

The Borg:  Crossing the road is irrelevant.  The chicken will be assimilated.

Hugh the Borg:  Maybe it wanted to be my friend.

Mr. Homm:

Dr. Soran:  His heart just wasn't in it.  (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

Lwaxana:  Oh, Jean-Luc!


Sisko:  I don't care *why* it was crossing the road!  All I want to know is *why* it left the coop!  So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only *so far* that my tolerance will go!

Kira:  I bet those damn Cardassians were after it!

Dax:  To get to the other side.  Curzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...

Odo:  I don't have the slightest idea--and I don't particularly care...but then, I've never understood you ornithoids' need to engage in such pointless behavior.

Quark:  Now really, why would I have bribed him to do it so I could make a tidy profit in the station pool?  Besides, all I know is that chicken tastes just like tube grubs.

O'Brien:  Well, it's nothing a good pint or two won't fix.

Dr. Bashir:  I suppose it wanted to play some darts.

Jake:  Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Worf:  I don't know.  KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

Garak:  To get to the other side?  Of course not!  Do you realize how ridiculous that is?  I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for...embezzling eggs.

The Grand Nagus:  Stupid chicken!  You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!  (Inconceivable!)

Gul Dukat:  Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.


Janeway:  Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.

Chakotay:  Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

B'Elanna:  I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the [BEEP] regulations of [BEEP] Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Tuvok:  That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer.

Neelix:  Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system.  But--if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Kes:  It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time!  They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

Paris:  Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

HoloDoc:  How should I know?  No one tells me anything around here!  I didn't even know we had added chickens to the crew!  All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!